Scars To Pearls

So when facing a life threatening trial, how do you refuel the transformation needed to replenish the balance in life itself? What do you lean on, trust on, or hope on? I am a recently retired OB-GYN-Infertility nurse practitioner of almost thirty years in the field, and I experienced delivering a spectrum of diagnoses in my area of expertise. There were the “good news’ moments with joy, success, and cure. But there will be moments we witness overwhelming pain and the devastating news of death. The shoe is on the other foot now for me. I am the patient with metastatic melanoma skin cancer and not the provider, a very uncomfortable and humbling place for me. Sometimes the biggest battle fought isn’t the cancer, but the emotional battle we suddenly find ourselves in. We are not prepared for this emotional turmoil or how to deal with it. The journey I experienced and now share with you had its difficulties, filled with approximately fifty appointments, two surgeries, hospitalization and therapies, but life continues. If you have recently been diagnosed with cancer, I know you are scared; I certainly was. Because in the beginning when you first hear the news, you immediately wonder: “How is this all going to end?’ The journey has only just begun and we are already wondering: “How it’s all going to play out?’ I know all the questions you are asking yourself, for I am the patient now and my perspective has changed. I can feel the uncertainty of your courage and strength to proceed through the demands of appointments, diagnostic testing, surgeries, pain, and treatments. I know the tears you will wipe quietly away from your cheek in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep or when you are simply all alone, afraid, in pain, or discouraged. I can feel your heart pounding so loud that certainly anyone standing next to you must hear it also. Your mind is spinning with worry from all the “what ifs.’ What will help me “succeed’ at alleviating the fear that is ever present and now sprinkled into my daily life?

As a lifelong believer in Christ, a foundation of faith was laid long ago. I was just a believer, as some years were more inclusive of Christ Jesus than others. But I never doubted there was a God. I would learn how to respect, love and nurture this new found relationship in the months ahead. I chose to lean on, trust on, and hope on my faith and I began introducing a spiritual element into my new daily routine. In the months of pain and challenges, reachin