Hi Its Me

Merredith F. Perkins, PhD remembers, laughs with, and mourns for her beloved daughter, Toi, in this joint memoir of their intertwined lives.

Perkins beautifully captures Toi’s gentle spirit, strong will, humble demeanor, brilliant talent, and charming personality in her interactions with others and in the accomplishments of her short but very fully lived thirty-nine years. From acting at The Juilliard School after college to struggling, despite her terminal cancer, to complete her Master of Divinity degree from the Fuller Theological Seminary, Toi always found comfort, support, and guidance from her mother, no matter how many miles separated them.

Toi and her mother shared a very strong and unique bond during Toi’s life on this earth; a love that traversed space and time-even life and death. In the same year that Toi gave birth to her only child, she was diagnosed with a merciless cancer, leaving her and Perkins with a year together to reconnect, reminisce, and relive the past together; but not without new barriers, unforeseen obstacles and opposition, and restricting expectations about Perkins’ role as a helper in Toi’s new household. Through a strengthening trial full of heartache for Perkins, both she and Toi struggle with the concept of “to thine own self be true” as they’re faced with their lost senses of identity as mother and daughter as a result of Toi’s marital relationship, which Perkins strongly senses as oppressive and dishonoring to both Toi and herself.

In the midst of it all (and despite mixed signals from Toi) “Toismom” proves to be true to herself and to her beloved Toi. She vows to keep Toi’s memory alive, knowing that her legacy will live on in herself and in the young grandbaby whose life she’s determined to be a part of and someday share her rich heritage with.

In this retelling and retracing of Toi’s life and the events of the end of her life, Perkins goes on to captivatingly illustrate that nothing and no one can come between the love of a mother and her daughter. In her demonstration of her deep and unconditional love for her daughter, Perkins proves in this gripping and emotional memoir that nothing and no one will ever stop her from being “Toismom.”